Killer GM ... or not so much ...

For whatever reason, I have ended up doing the DM/GM thing for most of my gaming career. I rarely get to play. Right now is one of the few exceptions - I am a player in a Star Wars d20 game that a friend is running. But, that's coming off about two and a half years of my running games for that group.

I am not the world's best Game Master. I have played with several better GMs. I think it comes down to supply and demand. My friends have a demand: they wanna play! I'm willing to supply my humble talents. In the end, we usually have fun.

However, I know I have two weaknesses.

My first weakness is that I always underpower my enemy NPCs. The mooks I throw at the players are REAL mooks - a waste of time, easily disposed. The actual bad guys are usually just as easy to foil. Heck, half the time the PCs turn the bad guys into allies. It's no wonder I nearly stand up and cheer when I can get the PCs to run from a fight! I do believe my players have run from a few fights they could have won just to soothe my ego!

My second weakness is nearly as bad. I can't kill player characters. Can't do it. My players put a ton of work into their characters, I give them XP incentives for back story and good role playing, so I know they are invested. I can not just throw that work away - it's a waste of time. Maybe this is why I make the adversaries so underpowered.

I ran an AD&D game in high school. One of the players, Jess, was a complete ass! Okay, I'm a geek and I surround myself with geeks. Most of my geeky friends are computer nerds who get along better with machines than people. But, there is a certain type of geek - he is born with no social graces what-so-ever. This was Jess. We all liked the guy. He was our annoying little brother, even if he was older than some of us. But, there was many a night that playing began with the words "Shut up, Jess!" spoken in unison by the entire group.

Jess played an infuriating fighter character, I think its name was Brak. Between Jess' lack of social graces and his skills as a rules lawyer - Brak was nigh invulnerable. I so wanted to kill his character. Perhaps it would be enough to piss him off and then he would leave the group. I wasn't brave enough or mean enough to tell him to just go away. (I can do that now - this was the valuable lesson Jess taught me. Thank you!)

For example; Brak and the group got into a fight with an entire heap of goblins. As per usual, the group more than bested the underpowered little whelps. Jess, as Brak, decided to teach the goblin chief a lesson. He strapped the poor thing to his shield. Brak then finished the rest of the dungeon, feeding the goblin just enough healing potion to keep it alive. I came up with some stupid way for the goblin to escape when the adventure was over. I needed Brak to die!

I decided finally to grow a spine and wipe out Brak - and the rest of the party if need be! I set up a trap. The group found an injured ogre, but, unbeknownst to the group, the ogre wasn't alone. I sprung the trap! Ogres fell out of the nearby trees and jumped out of camouflaged holes! They were armed with huge cross bows and mancatchers! They fought well, but, in the end, I had the group!

Of course no one died! Are you kidding?

The ogres rounded up the group. Brak shouts out a challenge! He will best any one of them in one-on-one combat for the freedom of the group. I had him! I could kill off Brak and allow the rest of the group to live - perfect! I was so happy, stupidly happy! The ogres allowed Brak to choose weapons. Brak, being Jess, chose the most annoying thing he could:

A belching contest.

Beer was produced from saddle bags and backpacks. Both Brak and the Ogre Champion drank far too much. Brak made his Constitution roll - he was able to drink one more mug than the Ogre. Jess was pleased, the group was amused, so far so good. Finally, it was time. The ogre strode forward, aimed himself at a tree and let loose! I rolled. The ogre rolled quite well, better than Jess could ever hope to roll with Brak. I said that the ogre did so well, burped so loudly, he shook the mighty tree and scared all the birds away. Jess was DIS-pleased, the group was amused, so far ... so good!

Brak stood and aimed himself at the tree. I told Jess that the only way he could win was to throw a natural 20. He argued that he had more beer, thus more ammunition. I told him, no matter, the ogre had rolled that well. Roll a 20 or lose. Lose and you forfeit your life!

Jess warmed up his die and let fly ...





Brak let go such a walloping burp, it not only moved the tree, it uprooted it, scaring away a group of raccoons burrowed underneath. Further more, in places some of the bark was missing along with half the leaves.

Jess had been lucky and played the game well. I try to be a fair GM, so I relented and admitted utter, ego bursting, brain frying defeat! Foiled by the biggest dufus I knew! Brak had won the belching contest on an epic scale! The ogres fell about, laughing their fool heads off - even the defeated champion was laughing uncontrollably. The group stealthed away while the ogres were busy laughing and retelling the event they had all just witnessed.

Brak lived to fight - and annoy - another day.

To this day I can't kill off characters. Maybe it is a waste to throw away all that work. Or, maybe I fear being humiliated in another burping contest-like incident.

Maybe someday I will find a way to clear away the horror of Jess & Brak and become a Killer GM!